Freedom... At Last...

as i have grown older, there have been much that i have lost, about myself... innocence... a certain degree of righteousness... an abhorrence for smoking... to some extent compassion... and the ability to cry, when i probably should...

i cried today, just a few minutes ago actually... perhaps the reason for my crying will be scoffed at by some that might read this, if not all... it was more than a momentary pang of sorrow, or remorse for what is in the past... it lasted for probably near 5 minutes, and i did not struggle to control the sobs this time (though they were more or less muted)...

the last time i had cried like this, or actually a lil worse than this, was when i woke up in the middle of the night a few years ago, after having dreamt of shooting my brother through the throat with a 9 mm and watching him die, his eyes screaming hatred, vengeance and, above all, agonising pain... there was so much wrong with that picture... neither he nor i hate each other, we have no history even remotely suggesting the need for revenge, and i cannot even think of him in pain, physically or emotionally... i love the guy...

today a brother died, a husband, a father to an unborn child, a friend, a genius... i never knew him really, i knew him only to the extent that they let me... i watched him challenge impossible odds again and again and again... i discovered his immense propensity for loyalty, his utterly selfless desire for helping those in need, his total acceptance of self-sacrifice if it meant the safety and security of the ones he cared about... i also saw his fierce determination, his never-say-die attitude, his unnerving capacity of using all around him to the furtherance of his goal, which was never selfish, always aimed at the protection of others, always guided by his notion of what is right... i watched so many people being confounded by him, deceived, betrayed, all because they had an agenda, because they would mete out far worse to him and his loved ones... his genuis practically mocked the security of an entire nation... destroyed the aspirations of those that could think of none but themselves... and in the end, the villains were served justice, either by a jury or by a swift execution outside of the law, his loved ones survived to live the life of freedom they dreamed of, and he stood with a smile, moments before he made his final sacrifice...

my brother is married today, with a beautiful baby daughter... she's 2, and has only recently started school...

Michael Scofield lies dead and buried... there will never be another episode of Prison Break...