When you once were mine...

this post is a very different one than my others.. a whole different genre, if you will... :)

running... mild trepidation and ecstatic expectation jostling for my attention... oh my God! it's the first time i'll be seeing you in the longest time... you're early, i'm late... the train pulled in 10 minutes to soon.. you're waiting for me... the coffee shop, the auto stand... coffee shop? food... i haven't eaten dinner, but you said on the phone that you've had a bite... your voice on the phone! i drove like i was possessed, like i was crazed by my need to see you... i was only a few minutes from that voice then... only a few seconds now...

atm machine... do i cash out now? screw it, i wanna see you first... oh, how i have waited... i have to see you now!

there's the coffee shop! the run is slowing to a jog... what'll i say? what'll you say? i can't ease the tension with a joke.. especially not on whatever you might have done to your hair... i saw you last as a beautiful girl on a train.. i'll see you now as my beautiful girl on the train... the equation is different... will we see it right away?

i see you! i see you! i slow down further into a walk... your hair is different... you have that slightly hard look on your face, a natural hard set of the jaw... you're blankly looking at nothing... your i-pod in hand, bag slung on your back... waiting... i'm walking upto you, the distance is fading, the moment is coming...

i'm within 5 feet of you... you look up, you see me, you smile... it's a little forced... i was right.. it is weird for both of us... we both want to meet, to see each other, explore the mystery that we present to each other.. but the first look is always difficult... nervous half-hug... i'm talking, but what am i saying? i don't know, i think you don't either...

home...
a nice warm bath after the long train journey... you've changed into a t-short and shorts... i'm wondering if you were thinking about all the times i've said that i'll judge your legs... you have't disappointed!! and you're crazy to not like them... i do..


i anticipated the awkwardness.. i know you did too... a movie, a comedy.. that should lighten the mood... the movie is on, the light is on... we're on the bed, backs rested against the wall, while the laptop plays Tropic Thunder, amplified on the plugged-in stereo sound system... your hand, God, i want to hold your hand!! i can feel the tension... we both want something to happen, but how?

movie's over.. you're hungry.. glad i picked up that second chicken roll... you're eating it at the dining room table.. you look beautiful.. hehe, you look sweet, fumbling with that roll...

back on the bed, looking ahead... we're talking about something or the other.. you put your head on my shoulder... i put my arm around you... we embrace... it happens so naturally, so instinctively, so fluidly... your lips are so soft, so amenable, searching, feeling, playing, teasing... somehow the light is turned off, and in the darkness gently pierced by the dim illumination from lights outside, i begin to see you... as layer after layer of inhibition is peeled off with our clothing, we throw ourselves into the discovery of each other, dissolving into each other, creating a bond of feeling, emotionality, dependence, joy, hope, togetherness, belonging... the gasps with every fresh frontier reached, every boundary crossed... all else is irrelevant, any thoughts not conducive to our frenetic rapture seeming too distant to matter... our passion elevates us to a state of semi-consciousness... we find completion, finality, fulfillment, release, in each other... there is only you, nothing but you...

dawn breaks... daylight shines upon you, accentuating the colour of your flawless skin...
we find a perfect fit in each other's embrace, meaningful nothingness, opaque clarity, serrated spokes of auburn fire in your iris converging in your pupil
... i lose myself everytime i look into your eyes, those beautiful eyes... a dreamy sleep begins to descend upon us... as my eyes begin grow heavier, i look at you again, eyes shut, half-smiling, at peace, your hand still in mine... and then i realise...

You get me closer to God...